Everything Under The Tropical Sun

If you’ve been following my blog for some time now, you’d know that I’ve recently quit smoking with my husband. We WERE smokers (feels good to say it). The only time I wrote about it was when I was a week into it and that I was suffering.

Diane Varner (one of my all time favorite photographers… please visit her at www.dianevarner.com — the site may be under construction now so check back often because her photographs are worth it!) even commented and offered very encouraging words along with Barefoot nurse (you can find the link under my blogroll on the left sidebar).

I guess people feel moved by the sheer determination it takes to quit smoking. Breaking a bad habit usually does require amazing feats of self discipline. So…

I’m patting myself on the back. I’m telling myself I’m proud of myself. I’m the queen of self discipline! I’m the greatest for having survived one whole month without smoking. HAPPY 1ST MONTHSARY TO ME!!! (and one month and one week to my husband.)

It’s still difficult but not as difficult as it was during the first week. I was one cranky woman and remembering those first few days is helping me refrain from smoking . I guess the only “bad” thing that came out of quitting was that I had to eat something every so often. I haven’t stepped on a scale but I know that I gained weight. I told myself what the heck… I guess I know what my next goal is going to be, right? Hahaha! Another thing which would demand for my will of steel… or rather another thing to test it. Exercise. Just the mere mention of the word makes me want to crawl into our bed and stay there for the rest of the week.

I’ve been reading up on the benefits of quitting and most of it are “invisible” benefits. What I do know and have noticed is that my skin looks so much better now… my lips are starting to go pink again… my gums too. I can walk up two flights of stairs and walk about 10 meters without wheezing like there wasn’t any air left in the world… and it doesn’t cease to amaze me. I don’t smell like cigarettes anymore and I don’t get that “gotta-get-a-fix” look. I’m no longer a slave to nicotine though the temptation’s still there.

The bottom line is I can feel and testify that I’m a much happier person now that I’ve quit smoking compared to when I was smoking. I thought I’d be miserable for having quit but it’s a very liberating experience. Now I feel that I can do anything and everything I set my mind to. Nothing’s holding me back… not even myself.

I’m in a hell of my own creation. Why oh why did I ever pick up a cigarette? Yes folks, I USED to smoke and started to quit last Saturday. Today is officially my 7th day since the last time I took a drag. It’s sooooo hard!!! But I’m so proud of myself.

This is what I get for smoking in the first place. I’ve been smoking since college and I haven’t stopped since. Now, my hubby decided to quit for health reasons, I followed suit. What kind of a wife would I be if I didn’t go through the thick and thin part with him? And besides, I’ve been procrastinating. I once made a list (waaaay back in 2006) that I’d have to quit smoking by the time I was 30. I’m 31. ‘Nuff said.

I’m not my usual “relaxed” self (how ironic. cigarettes are stimulants.) and I’m easily jarred by my daily routines. Sure, sure… what’s keeping me going is my love for him. How I don’t want to be a “bad influence” on him and be a source of his misery. Also, I read that just within 20 minutes of quitting, there are health benefits already. No one mentioned how hard it was going to be though. Mostly vague references on how I should have Will of Steel (sounds like a title for a novel) before I embark on this arduous journey.

See? I’m even ranting. I can’t even create a coherent post entry and I’m not speaking at all in a positive light. I hate it. I’m not myself. I smell cigarette smoke and it’s still so tempting. I try to keep my hands busy but whenever I find myself sitting on the toilet, doing my business and after a hearty meal… I miss taking a drag. My husband asked me if it seemed like I lost a friend… I told him it seemed like I lost a husband. Hahahaha! More than a friend. It’s like I suddenly divorced my husband of 16 years.

Imagine that…. 16 years. Goodbye bad habit. If this is what it takes to get rid of you. I’m never going to see you again. This is hell. Once I’m over this (hopefully in about 6 months’ time) hell of a ride, I’ll never forget and therefore will never go back to you again.