Everything Under The Tropical Sun

If you’ve been wondering why I’ve been silent for about a week… well, it’s because I was confined in the hospital due to dengue fever. I had very high fever at first but not enough to get me admitted. It was when my fever broke that I had myself admitted… because I was hungry. I couldn’t keep my food down and I wanted to eat. Anyone who knows me knows that if I could just erase the word “hunger” from my vocabulary, I’d be one very happy woman. Anyway, that’s when they found out that my platelets were VERY low. Dangerously low. Here are some crappy phone pics:

My view from my E.R. bed.

My nurse preparing my admittance...

Officially admitted... with hospital ID bracelet.

EKG just to make sure nothing's wrong with my heart.

My hubby watching over me at the E.R.

Dextrose... (painful!)

Hospital food... BLECH!!!!

Platelet transfusion.... I'm a B+

I hate it…
Just when I finally started following Teach’s advice, something goes wrong… or more like something was wrong and I just found out about it.

My very considerate husband woke me up… I finally got to fall asleep on my own accord before 11PM (a VERY rare occurrence) and he had to tell me that one of our best friends, Jung, is going to pass by and borrow our book on Small Homes. Answer me this: Did I really have to get up for that?

Now I’m up. To help me fall asleep, I decided to take Teach’s advice and add a twitter plugin to this precious blog of mine. I’ve always liked the “analog” feel of my blog and unfortunately, it IS analog in today’s standards. Can you imagine? I installed plugin after plugin and nothing worked? The only thing I could think of that’s stopping it from working is the theme. The programming isn’t updated enough to accommodate the newer plugins and social networking stuff. I don’t think Twitter was invented since my theme was programmed.

Goes to show that I really have to change my theme. I think I should really go and hire someone to fix it. First thing’s first… I have to have my ideas listed down. *sigh* It might take a while… so I guess I’ll just have to settle with the knowledge that there’s nothing much I can do in terms of plugins with this current theme. Expect a blog look change some time in the future. Maybe in about 3 months or so. Not happy about it but will be as soon as the new theme is installed.

I’m in a hell of my own creation. Why oh why did I ever pick up a cigarette? Yes folks, I USED to smoke and started to quit last Saturday. Today is officially my 7th day since the last time I took a drag. It’s sooooo hard!!! But I’m so proud of myself.

This is what I get for smoking in the first place. I’ve been smoking since college and I haven’t stopped since. Now, my hubby decided to quit for health reasons, I followed suit. What kind of a wife would I be if I didn’t go through the thick and thin part with him? And besides, I’ve been procrastinating. I once made a list (waaaay back in 2006) that I’d have to quit smoking by the time I was 30. I’m 31. ‘Nuff said.

I’m not my usual “relaxed” self (how ironic. cigarettes are stimulants.) and I’m easily jarred by my daily routines. Sure, sure… what’s keeping me going is my love for him. How I don’t want to be a “bad influence” on him and be a source of his misery. Also, I read that just within 20 minutes of quitting, there are health benefits already. No one mentioned how hard it was going to be though. Mostly vague references on how I should have Will of Steel (sounds like a title for a novel) before I embark on this arduous journey.

See? I’m even ranting. I can’t even create a coherent post entry and I’m not speaking at all in a positive light. I hate it. I’m not myself. I smell cigarette smoke and it’s still so tempting. I try to keep my hands busy but whenever I find myself sitting on the toilet, doing my business and after a hearty meal… I miss taking a drag. My husband asked me if it seemed like I lost a friend… I told him it seemed like I lost a husband. Hahahaha! More than a friend. It’s like I suddenly divorced my husband of 16 years.

Imagine that…. 16 years. Goodbye bad habit. If this is what it takes to get rid of you. I’m never going to see you again. This is hell. Once I’m over this (hopefully in about 6 months’ time) hell of a ride, I’ll never forget and therefore will never go back to you again.

I found out three weeks ago that a friend lost her baby. It was their first pregnancy. Then I found out last week that she hasn’t fully recovered. Who can? Losing a child is the worst nightmare any parent can ever endure… and for something like that to happen to the only woman I truly believe with all my heart would make an absolutely incredible mom… it’s just too painful to acknowledge.

What do you say to her? What CAN I say to help her alleviate her pain? She’s done nothing wrong. If anything, she’s the only person I know who went through life being ultra nice… played by the rules… and still listened to her heart and fought for every little thing that it wanted. She followed her passion for music and loves a man with full abandon. She miraculously love spending time with her family and GETS ALONG with ALL of them. Can you imagine? I mean, I have a small immediate family but there are a couple members I don’t get along with ALL the time.

She loves kids. She works with them on a daily basis and they love her. It’s not hard to see that. She not only deserved to have a baby of her own… she wanted to have one. Not all parents could say that they wanted to have a child ’til their kid came out… or at least a few months after finding out that they were pregnant (when the dust has settled).

How do you come to terms with losing a child? A child you haven’t known but loved and will love your whole lifetime? Will her future be filled with wonder what her child could have been or would have looked like?

An unborn child leaves a deeper impression than most people could ever do. I pray for her and wish that things will start looking up and she won’t blame herself for ANY THING. Her baby was probably just as pure as her and maybe God just wanted to keep her child a little bit longer… Maybe He decided that there was another soul who greatly needs to be loved by her. I hope she knows this and believes it… because I do.

“It’s all about the end game.” –> My husband’s favorite mantra these days. Every time we’d discuss someone’s predicament or the news, he’d somehow squeeze that line in… and make sense. He believes that if the end game sucked, every play used during the game was used in vain.

He loves using that phrase whenever we’d talk about people in their twilight years creating complicated situations in their lives like getting someone pregnant at the age of 60… and getting her pregnant AGAIN. So instead of enjoying his end game, he has to start all over again. Sure, it was his choice. He chooses to take the risk and became a father of two innocent children. But he hurt his first wife and children in the process.

The situation would’ve been a “little better” if he had oodles of money and could well support his new “wife” (there’s no such thing as divorce in the Philippines) and his two new kids even when he’s long and gone. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. He’s been struggling to support his first wife as it were and while his two grown up children have their own lives, they can’t help but worry what will happen to their two new half siblings when their dad no longer walks among us.

My husband and I would feel so bad for him because he’s basically a good person who has made a conscious choice which eventually hurt the people who love him… all of this towards the end of his game. We found it sad.

We made a pact that all the things we are doing now was towards a common goal: to have a spectacular end game. We have to make sure that all we’re working for now will eventually pave a wonderful twilight life for us. A life where we can look back and say that if we were to do everything all over again, we wouldn’t change a single thing. That our end game is what it’s all about.

I know that most people probably know about this already but I just read about Zimbabwe’s incredible inflation rate just yesterday. Saw it here. Unbelievable? Believe it.

Can you imagine? A $1 Billion note?! I mean, come on… it’s just so depressing. Never in my wildest imagination have I thought I’d live to see the day that a billion dollar note was printed. What can you expect from Zimbabwe right? A country filled with inner conflicts. Corruption and greed run rampant while their people starve and suffer. Not really too far off from the Philippines. Our government are filled with what we call “sharks”. They surround fresh blood… the people who truly want to help out and eat them alive if they don’t abide by their greedy rules.

I guess that’s what happened with Zimbabwe. Now that exports are down (even here in the Philippines), there’s nothing else to hold their economy up. There’s no shift in thinking, no shift in leadership, no changes made… no surprise that their economy has inflated that much. If we’re not careful here, the exact same thing could happen to us.

Well, my husband’s right when he said that if our economy starts flailing, it’s usually the businessmen/people that cry out for dear murder. Just like what happened during the ousting of former president Estrada. “Off with his head!” they cried, and so it was. When the business people are unhappy, the government listens. When the government is in trouble, the politicians fix it themselves… because that’s their source of income.

It’s just so depressing to see the Zimbabwean economy reach that level of inflation because it means that their own government doesn’t care for them anymore. They’ve totally given up on their country. So sad. 231,000,000% inflation rate… ridiculous!

That’s it! I’m giving up on PCs. I had to reformat yet again last Friday and I’m not done re downloading some of the programs that I’ve been using.

Last Thursday morning, soon as I opened my laptop, it informed me that my system32 file was corrupted (whatever!) and that I had to insert the original installation disc my laptop came with to be able to repair it. Imagine my joy when I remembered burning back up discs of my restoration drive (which I didn’t need if I only knew that all I had to do was press F11 at the startup). But I dreaded finding out whether or not I’ll be able to retrieve my files (the ones I’ve been meaning to back up but haven’t because the lazy bee stung my big behind).

So I asked my husband who’s somehow an expert in reformatting PCs, if I would be able to retrieve my files and he said I would just as long as I choose the repair option rather than the destructive option during recovery. So there… I was so happy to find out that all was not lost. I lost one day, though since I couldn’t run home and get my recovery discs (again, I didn’t know that I could’ve gone without it). Good thing I took the afternoon off that day due to Justin’s birthday else I’d be brewing and finding ways to pick on Microsoft and let revenge grow in my mind (because there is absolutely nothing I can do to cause a dent in the mighty Microsoft’s life).

It’s been 3 days and though I backed up my programs and important files (they have always been safe and sound in my trusty external drive), I have those damn updates to download (and that’s service pack 3… a hefty number of bytes) plus other programs like the yahoo messenger, etc. I’m still thankful I have all my bookmarks, emails and photos. I would just die of anger if I lost any of those.

Based on experience, none of the macs in our office has ever needed to reformat and to think, they mainly deal with graphics which is usually very taxing to the computer (the time capsule helped ease all our minds). I am officially a convert. I am converting to the mac as soon as I get the resources to do so. I am estimating that it’ll be around march of next year. 3 months. I can wait.

Goodbye, PC. Hello, Mac.

Maybe not all bloggers would care to admit it but blog hits and comments are one of the things that inspires us to spur on. I love the stats for the immediate feedback. The other day when I upgraded my wordpress, I had to disable my plugins (including the blog stats) and what do you know… when I re-activated it, all my information was gone.

Well, no big deal really. It’s just irritating. And maybe I really should take this blog’s look seriously. I’ve been scouting for a look that would harmoniously integrate both the photoblog and the blog itself. But my husband likes it this way. He just complains that it’s too “clean”… I agree. It is too neat. My obsessive compulsive personality just shone through.

So one of my New Year’s resolutions is to finally settle on a blog look that reflects my eclectic personality… not just my obsessive compulsive one. Hehehehehe. I’m looking at a 3-column blog… because widgets are fun!

So THANK YOU wordpress for taking away my stats. Made me spur action towards changing the look of this blog and for taking it more seriously from now on. (But I haven’t forgiven you yet. so there. :p )

I joined this group called Bloggers Unite: Blogging for hope a while back. The whole concept is to gather a group of bloggers to blog about one particular topic to be posted all in one day. I liked the idea of calling on bloggers to create awareness and that’s why I joined. Only to get stomped by mental block. So I’m posting this entry two days late.

I really did not know what to say about refugees. I don’t have a personal experience that can relate to the millions of displaced Jews during World War II. Nor do I personally know anyone who had to flee their country or the country they were in fear of prosecution based on religion, personal beliefs or war.

All I know is that EVERY PERSON has the right to feel secure and does not deserve to be judged based on religion, race, and beliefs. As I went through my research online, I came across something quite disturbing: Xenophobic violence in Johannesburg, South Africa last May.

Xenophobia is described as a fear of foreigners. I live in a third world country and I see poor people on a daily basis. Homeless, hungry, and poor. Beggars can be found in practically every traffic light, news of people who don’t have access to proper healthcare… news about thieves, burglars, hijackers… all very rampant on local channels. If anything, we, as Filipinos, have every reason to turn into mobs and steal as a collective… but that never happened.

Sure, we have isolated incidents of bad people stealing from tourists or simply jerking them around for a quick buck. We NEVER acted as a mob and targeted tourists in our own country. We have always treated visitors in our own home as family. So is the case with tourists. We are known for our hospitality and warmth especially foreign visitors to our land despite the bad people who take advantage of tourists. As a whole we are hospitable.

That’s why the reading about the xenophobic violence in Johannesburg came as a shock. A group of impoverished Africans actually gathered together and targeted tourists and expats. 50 people died and 20,000 others displaced. They didn’t just target foreigners in hostels but those who lived there as well. Horrifying. I can’t imagine what those people had gone through. Many of them were on vacation and I bet that was the very last thing they expected to experience.

The questions in my mind now are: What could have driven these men and women to such an act? What kind of culture do they possess that could have given them the idea that it is truly justified to enact revenge on these innocent people?

I believe that ignorance breeds contempt. Without proper knowledge, it’s easy to pass judgement and place blame.

I like to think that we all live in a modern world. Just the election of the first African-American US president is enough to say that we are gearing away from a world of prejudice. I had hoped that we have only a short distance to go before we all realize that we are not separate from each other. We never have been. We live in a world where we are all connected. I’d still like to hope that the day we’ll all realize that is coming soon. But certain acts like that xenophobic violence in South Africa caused doubt to seep in my heart.

I just hate dealing with people who claim to know what they want but can’t make up their darn minds!

HATE! HATE! HATE!

I mean COME ON… 13 revisions later and you’re still asking us to revise??? You’re not the only client we have you know. We also have other clients who are more deserving of our attention. Other clients who PAY ON TIME. I mean the least you can do is to pay on time right?!

Remember I mentioned that I transferred departments? Well, I now belong to a design firm. The printing company I worked in partnered up with a well established local design firm. So from design it’s straight to printing. It’s a service we’d like to offer our existing clients to make it easier for them to brand their businesses and for other more established clients to help them manage their brand.

So I’m here now. We offer a variety of services like conceptualizing an ad and/or marketing campaign, art/creative direction, video production and photography. It should be a fun job right? And to be honest, it is. It really is… but it’s these type of clients that makes me think twice.

I don’t know how this is handled by other design firms. From what I know, when a client doesn’t pay properly, then they’re scratched from their client list. I think that’s the right way to go. I mean, sure, they’re a huge company but they haven’t paid in almost a year. They paid some of their invoices but not the ones that were delivered a year ago.

I wrote about working on my husband’s birthday and how pissed I was. IT’S THE SAME CLIENT! I don’t know why we’re “condoning” these people. It seems to one of our bosses that they’re ESSENTIAL clients to have. “It’s good for the portfolio…” And in the eternal words of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless: “Whateveeer…!” But what can I do? I must follow. When they’ll hit their heads and wake up, I dunno. I hope sometime soon.

So what did I do? I apologized. Dang. Hated it. But HAD to do it because no matter what happens, the rule of thumb is the client is ALWAYS right. So there. My apology. Half-hearted but with a heart nonetheless. Because I did blow up on them. The pressure was on yesterday. Too many things happening all at once, I couldn’t cope emotionally.

Now, I dug my own hole. I have to bounce back from this with a vengeance. So I’m going to have to devise my action plan all over again. But I hate these spaghetti minded clients (when all their thoughts are as many as the noodles in a pack). For heaven’s sake, make up your minds already!!!