I’m in HELL…
I’m in a hell of my own creation. Why oh why did I ever pick up a cigarette? Yes folks, I USED to smoke and started to quit last Saturday. Today is officially my 7th day since the last time I took a drag. It’s sooooo hard!!! But I’m so proud of myself.
This is what I get for smoking in the first place. I’ve been smoking since college and I haven’t stopped since. Now, my hubby decided to quit for health reasons, I followed suit. What kind of a wife would I be if I didn’t go through the thick and thin part with him? And besides, I’ve been procrastinating. I once made a list (waaaay back in 2006) that I’d have to quit smoking by the time I was 30. I’m 31. ‘Nuff said.
I’m not my usual “relaxed” self (how ironic. cigarettes are stimulants.) and I’m easily jarred by my daily routines. Sure, sure… what’s keeping me going is my love for him. How I don’t want to be a “bad influence” on him and be a source of his misery. Also, I read that just within 20 minutes of quitting, there are health benefits already. No one mentioned how hard it was going to be though. Mostly vague references on how I should have Will of Steel (sounds like a title for a novel) before I embark on this arduous journey.
See? I’m even ranting. I can’t even create a coherent post entry and I’m not speaking at all in a positive light. I hate it. I’m not myself. I smell cigarette smoke and it’s still so tempting. I try to keep my hands busy but whenever I find myself sitting on the toilet, doing my business and after a hearty meal… I miss taking a drag. My husband asked me if it seemed like I lost a friend… I told him it seemed like I lost a husband. Hahahaha! More than a friend. It’s like I suddenly divorced my husband of 16 years.
Imagine that…. 16 years. Goodbye bad habit. If this is what it takes to get rid of you. I’m never going to see you again. This is hell. Once I’m over this (hopefully in about 6 months’ time) hell of a ride, I’ll never forget and therefore will never go back to you again.
