Everything Under The Tropical Sun

I miss my brother’s ex. Stupid brother. Stupid! Moron! Idiot! I love him with all my heart but he’s an idiot for letting such an awesome woman slip away… for even creating a situation wherein he’d risk her love in the first place. He’s usually a smart guy and appreciates what he has but… nevermind. I won’t go into the details. The whole point is I miss her.

I don’t really understand why. I don’t know what to do in this situation either. Sure, I’m not at fault and I should be able to communicate with her but I’m a casualty of war… collateral damage. She’s my friend in facebook… big whoop right? Makes me miss her all the more. Seeing her post recent photos… posting messages on common friends’ walls… it makes me sad. Thank GOD she’s not my brother’s facebook friend. If he saw her with her new boyfriend, he’d probably end up deleting his account.

My brother’s saying he’s okay… that he’s accepted the consequences of his actions. He may or may not be telling the truth but I’m sure of one thing: that if he had the chance to turn back time, he’d do things differently. I suspect that there would still be nights when he’d remember and regret the things that happened between them. I regret the things that happened. I did what I could to keep them from breaking up because I knew that the bottom line was that he loved her with everything he was… simply because he’s a changed man now. I’d think that a woman that had such profound effect on him even after they broke up would be a woman he truly and deeply loved. I mean, because he changed… he tried to better himself… another way to make amends I guess. It’s like it was his only way of saying and proving that loving her wasn’t in vain.

How I miss her. My husband misses her too. She has every right to stay away from us. Maybe we remind her too much of the past and maybe it’s painful for her to keep in touch. I understand simply because it’s painful for me too. I’m also filled with regret… wishing things were different… hurting still as I watch my brother go about his life without his heart… he’ll be fine. Maybe. But I’ll always remember her… will keep on missing her… and wishing her well in my prayers.

I’m so excited! We’re going away on holiday next week. We’ll be off to bantayan then on to bohol. I hope I can get a decent internet connection there so I can upload photos. It’ll be awesome!

My husband needs the break. This morning he tells me that he might go to work (when I specifically told him to make sure he doesn’t) after our bantayan trip. I’ve been bugging him to take a load off and relax because his mind’s not what it used to be. He’s so forgetful nowadays and end up making bad PERSONAL decisions. He tells me that he blanks out sometimes and we’d had conversations wherein he’d ask me where I got a certain information from… I’d say: “FROM YOU!!!” Those times would get me really worried… scratch that. I AM worried.

I thought a good long vacation would do the trick. Since Neptune’s coming and all, we took a leave of absence… or so I thought. Now he’s telling me he’s going to go to work. I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK!!! He’s not the same man anymore. Too much work related stuff is cluttering his brain… and instead of him ramping up his disk space… he opted to just delete some of the stuff in there.

So I WAS excited. But what he told me this morning kinda dampened the whole thing. It’s not about me… I’m okay about him working if his mind wasn’t as jumbled as it is now. He’s turned into a workaholic and I’m not happy with the way it’s affecting him. If he still hasn’t improved after this vacation… I’m going to put my foot down. It’s not funny anymore. I can’t ask for advice from anyone close to me because they’re ALL workaholics themselves. If he doesn’t learn how to balance his job and his personal life… what’s the point?

Oh well… at least we’re going away for a while. I just pray it’ll be enough for him to regain some of his mental prowess… I love that mind. I miss it. I want it back.

PERFECT! –> one word to describe my husband’s barbequed baby back ribs! I’m drooling just thinking about those flawlessly grilled tender baby back ribs. When he first grilled these babies a few weeks ago, they were so good that I just couldn’t wait and didn’t mind repeating a meal in less than 2 weeks. I’m in love… with my husband’s baby back ribs. He claims that the first try was just “practice” and that he got it right this time around (what a showboat! but has every right of being one). Anyway, they’re yummy and this is the closest way I could share it to the rest of the world.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ll know that I’ve asked Santa for a mac last Christmas. At first, I wanted the macbook aluminum then the white macbook and when Christmas came and went… any macbook would’ve done. I even wrote that item on my wishlist this year.

It’s funny how wishlists work. My husband swears by it. He has this special folder in his laptop wherein he’d place pictures of all the things he’s wishing for. He’d often forget that some things were still even in there even when he wasn’t wishing for it anymore. The latest granted wish item was the D40 (Actually, he listed a D40x down… close enough).

So there, I took his lead and wrote three things down in my 2009 Diary… not knowing how I’d ever afford those three items. Now, there’s a VERY VERY VERY VERY GOOD deal for a 17″ Macbook Pro (the model before the latest ones) and I just might be able to get a hold of one. They ran out of stocks quickly but I’m hoping that there’s going to be another batch coming in next week. They said they will but you’ll never know right? I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

The meaning of the words “Burn Out” is lost on me nowadays. There were several years when I lived in a burned out world… I’d tire easily… I’d hate going to work… I’d long for the long weekends and go on a virtual vacation by surfing the web for places I’d dream of visiting some day (I loved doing that!).

Nowadays, I’d still get tired but I’m having so much fun doing what I do now. I learn something new everyday and I make it a point to study on something that I’m interested in and is still work related. I don’t know how long this is going to last ’til I want to  run screaming out of the office but for now, I’m content.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s still hard work but work I don’t mind. I don’t mind the work. I don’t mind the pay. The burned out feeling doesn’t come as easily as it once did… and THAT makes all the difference in the world.